Ahava

There are certain foundational principles that our marriage is based upon, which may or may not be known to you who are reading this blog, so from time to time I will be explaining them under the category, Foundational Principles.  The first, and most important, is Ahava.

Ahava is the Hebrew word for love, and it means, “I will give, I will serve.”  When Scripture says, “God is love”, this is the kind of love it refers to.  This is the truest definition of love.  Love is a decision to be selfless and giving — it’s not a feeling or something you just fall in and out of — it’s a wholehearted, lifelong commitment.  Because of all the false definitions of love put out there by the media on a continual basis, people have all kinds of strange interpretations of love, which make relationships and marriage far more complicated and painful than they need to be.

Ahava is all you need.  Ahava allows you to give over and over and over again to someone you don’t even like.  Ahava helps you to learn to like someone you initially couldn’t stand.  Ahava attracts ahava, and when two people who understand (and do their best to practice) this concept come together, sparks fly — the good kind!  Ahava only comes from one source: Yahweh (the One and only God).  Accept no substitutes, people.

So the way this plays out daily in our marriage is like so: Let’s say I’m annoyed with Orville.  I feel like he’s being selfish and taking me for granted.  He hasn’t done “his job” of washing the dishes for a few days, and I start complaining to myself about him.  All of a sudden this little voice pipes up and says, “So he’s totally self-absorbed… so what?  What does that have to do with you?  You said you’d serve him for the rest of your life no matter what.  You can’t control him, you can only control you.  So do the dishes yourself and get on with your day.”  Ok then.

A week later Orville may be feeling just as annoyed with me.  Maybe I’m not being very supportive of his dream – because I’m talking to him about doing the dishes while he’s trying to tap into his inner creative genius to write a hit song!  But then he hears that same voice I heard, so he closes his notebook and goes and does the dishes.  And then gives the kids a bath.  And then tells me how much he appreciates all I do for the family.  And then finishes his song later that night or on his lunch break the next day.

Is it hard work?  Yes, absolutely… and no.  We’re not starving in a hole somewhere, nor do we live in constant fear of being tortured or killed for our faith.  The battles we fight are much more urbane.  But the stakes are still high, and the victories are still sweet.  We are people of our word.  If God can keep His Word, then we can keep ours, because we are made in His image… we are part of His family.  We promised to give and serve one another for the rest of our lives.  We promised to fight to become one, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.  So that’s what we do… it’s a daily decision we make: Ahava or Selfishness; God’s family or Satan’s; there are only two options.