Introductions

Who am I?
My name is Rachael.  I love to write.  I love to help and inspire people, but I hate any form of public speaking, so it turns out blogging is a pretty handy mode of communication for me.  I’ve kept up a personal blog for the past 8 months, so I decided to take things up a notch.  Looking back on my life thus far, I would describe myself as a woman of much action and few words.  I was the shy valedictorian of my high school class… captain of my varsity basketball and soccer teams, who much preferred to spur my teammates with a clutch shot or assist rather than a fancy speech.  I’m a perfectionist with a strong work ethic.  I like to get things done while others are still talking about them.  I’m not feeling myself, trust me.  I’ve just come to a place of acceptance in my life.  I am who I am for a reason.  I used to wish I was more like the charismatic, gregarious, sensitive people I’d meet; now I can just appreciate them without beating myself up for not sharing their strengths.  We all have a role to play, and it’s always best if we play our own role rather than try to assume someone else’s.

To my surprise, I grew up to marry a rapper.  Never in my wildest imagination…!  This is my undeniable proof that God has a sense of humor.  Orville is my opposite in so many ways, and yet we complement each other perfectly, because we both have the revelation I just expressed in the previous paragraph.  Neither of us is better than the other.  Neither of us has to be right all the time.  We are supposed to be all that we are while simultaneously giving those around us total freedom to be who they are.  Iron sharpens iron.  More of who I am will inevitably come out with each new post, so I’ll stop here for now on this topic. 

How’d I come up with the name of this blog?
I was sitting on the train one day and all of a sudden a thought came to me.  Hey, how come we have white chocolate, but not black vanilla?  Vanilla beans are black, after all, and so is vanilla extract!  Wud up wit dat?  It was totally out of left field.  Then it made me chuckle, because it was a perfect example of how my husband and I are slowly but surely becoming one, which is the purpose of marriage.  I don’t mean that we lose our individuality, but rather, through our committed partnership, we allow that other person to bring out the best in us, and vice versa.  We are a two-man team for life. 

And just for clarification, when I had that extraneous thought on the subway, it came as more of a humorous observation than a serious question.  My husband is not one of those people who go around blaming everything on racism and looking for excuses to get offended (of course racism is real, but you have to admit there are those who use it as a crutch).  So I’m not trying to say I’m thinking more like he would…  I’m simply saying that getting to know him and his experiences has allowed me to notice things I might not have noticed otherwise. 

After my chuckle I decided Black Vanilla/White Chocolate sounded like a good title for something… and here we are a few weeks later. 

A Brief History of My Marriage
Orville and I got married in October 2003, almost exactly one year after our first date.  We met at church.  Our first year of marriage was wonderful.  We listened to CDs and watched DVDs about marriage and relationships (I read a few books as well) and were full of enthusiasm for one another and the journey ahead of us.

Then we decided to get pregnant.  I believe my exact words to Orville were, “This may sound crazy, but I feel like we’ve got this marriage thing down; are you ready to have a kid?”  Ah, the foolishness of youth… So a few months after I got pregnant, O lost his job.  We had a lot of debt and no savings.  I had promised myself probably from the age of about 10 that I would be a stay-at-home mom throughout my children’s formative years (up to age 6), at least; frankly I thought that anything less would be irresponsible parenting.  So I channeled all of my faith into O getting a record deal or at the very least a job with a six-figure salary.  Didn’t happen.

I went back to work 3 months after Isaac was born while O stayed home.  I was miserable, but did the best I could to stick it out.  We’ve since had a second (unplanned) child and I’m still working.  O does have a full-time job now, but it’s not enough to pay the bills by itself.  Without going into too much detail here, let’s just say we’ve struggled a lot already in our marriage.  When people tell you it’s hard work, you really have no idea until you get there…   We’ve also been tremendously blessed in the midst of the struggles; and both of our kids are awesome if I do say so myself!

When I look at where we’ve been and where we are today, I can say that overall I’m really proud of us.  We’ve remained pliable and allowed ourselves to grow throughout this whole process, which has only just begun.  These days we are actually enjoying each other far more than in that first year, in more ways than one.  I have the marriage and family I’ve always dreamed about, and then some.  Even the simplest, most ordinary moments are sometimes so beautiful to me they make me cry.  But a marriage like ours is not likely to be the kind of thing that will ever be featured in a Hollywood movie.  Real, everyday love stories don’t make for good movie plots.  Real love is too practical, but sooooo much more satisfying than the counterfeit. 

That’s why I feel we need this blog and others like it:  To let people know that people like us exist; to show that there is such a thing as a happy marriage in real life; and to show what true commitment and integrity looks like.  When I say that I mean I promise not to sugarcoat anything.  I promise to be honest and transparent.  I do it with my husband; I do it with my kids; and I’ll do it with you.  This is not a “reality” show.  Although I can’t (and shouldn’t) tell you absolutely everything, I will aim to give you as accurate an inside look at our lives as possible–the ups, the downs, the hurts, the healing, the stagnancy, the growth–because I truly hope and believe it will bless you… at least ONE of you.     (So when it does, feel free to let me know!)